In our supplemental readings for class this week, I stumbled upon an article that really hit home with me. It was titled "The Act Like a Man Box" which was written by Paul Kivel. In this article, he goes on to describe how from the very beginning of a man's life, he is taught early on to think and carry himself in an appropriate masculine way which Kivel describes as the "Act Like a Man Box". This box represents the boundaries of a man's masculinity, and within this box, a man is expected to "be aggressive, not to back down, not make mistakes, and to take charge, have lots of sex, make lots of money, and be responsible. Most of all, they are told not to cry"(Kivel p.148). This article really caught my attention, because it makes me think of how I was raised growing up. At an early age, my parents divorced and from that point on, I had the majority of my upbringing from my mother and grandmother. Although I feel my father was as good as a father as he could be, he never had a strong hand in my upbringing. Although he was always there monetarily, I only saw him a couple times a month. Now, I never paid attention to how this affected me until I grew a little older and realized that being raised by women sort of made me "a little soft". As I reflect by on my childhood and teenage years, I now see that I was a little more sensitive than my peers and had a harder time controlling my emotions. At the time, I didn't see it that way because whenever I was upset, my mother always assured me that it was ok to cry and express my feelings. So now when I look back, I have mixed feelings about this. See, my mother always praised me for my sensitivity and said that I was a "sweetheart" and it in turn made me feel like it was normal to be like that and I as well thought that women would like me for my sensitivity. But, as I grew older I realized that it has come back to bite me in the ass, because I see that these women want a "real man" who stands tough and emulates all the things that Kivel describes. It makes me wish I had a male role model growing up because I feel I would have acquired more of these traits. Although I do feel that my sensitivity has some benefits, I see more negative than anything, and I just really wish I would have had a man in my life to teach me "guy things" like working on cars, asserting yourself, and suppressing your emotions at times that are appropriate . “Studies have shown that involvement of a father or a positive male role model in the lives of children has profound effects on them. Father-child interaction promotes a child’s physical well-being, perceptual ability and competency for relating with others. These children also demonstrate greater ability to take initiative and evidence self-control” (http://firstthings.org/page/resource-center/fathers/the-importance-of-positive-male-role-models). So, as I continue on in life, I have accepted my upbringing and have come to realize that there are just some things I am going to have to learn the hard way.
Sources
Kivel, Paul (2007). The Act-Like-a-Man-Box, (p.148)
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